Dwindling Motivation

"Now you wouldn't believe me if I told you, but I could run like the wind blows! From that day on if I was ever going somewhere I was running."

Well, it would seem that I do not have Forrest Gump's passion for running. Understatement of the year. I really wish I did, and that is why I am extremely disappointed in myself... I will not be running my marathon tomorrow, or the half-marathon that I down-graded it to a month ago, or the 5K that I could sign up for in its place. And I feel relieved. And frustrated. And did I mention disappointed? But honestly truly... Mostly relieved.

Just not prepared. Haven't been running. When faced with the opportunity to either go run or do something - anything else, I have chosen to do the something/anything else. Not that they were bad choices!

I picked sleep, making meals for my family, working an extra shift to pay for a root canal, sleep, and just relaxing.

I think I really like the IDEA of running. I like how I feel AFTER I run (certainly not during.) and I did feel like I was accomplishing something. I had goals and I met some of them! And now here's a goal that I did not meet because frankly I lost my motivation to get prepared for it. I do NOT like that my knees hurt and that my hip is now feeling weird and that I feel like I let someone down. When my husband asks me "Just who do you think is disappointed in you besides you?" I have to honestly say, "No one." And then he says, "Exactly."

But I guess I'm my own worst critic.

My mother is relieved probably more than me because she thinks it's incomprehensible to CHOOSE to run somewhere that would take you more than half an hour to DRIVE to.

But what an accomplishment! To say that I've done it, at least once. How great that would be!!

I would like that big shiny medal at the end of the race and the goodie bag with all the free stuff and the massage that I would treat myself to the next day because of course I would be deserving of it. I would have loved it all. But especially DOING it.

But I would have hurt. And maybe I would've injured myself worse or maybe not.

But here's one thing I do know: I WILL RUN A MARATHON!!!

It just won't be tomorrow... :)